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Latest In Truthy News E! W! Animal Kingdom Edition: Celebrity Animal, Kwitonda The Silverback Gorilla, caught Drunk and violating probation Celebrity Rehab Clinic has no comment The Animal Kingdom. March 31, 2009 - Today the newly established W! brings you the shocking scandals of liberal Hollywood celebrities that the liberal media is just too afraid to comment. Today story is the shocking scandal of celebrity gorilla, superstar, and human activist Mr. Kwitonda. Kwitonda The Silverback Gorilla was caught drunk with minors, and violating his probation a few days ago. One of our paparazzos took shocking pictures of Kwitonda binge drinking with minors, hanging around barely legal female gorillas (and we believe one tranny), and shouting obscene anti-Semitic language, one including the possibility that jews are causing all the worlds wars. “I was shocked and surprised… I mean my kids adored Mr. Kwitonda, he is their hero and their role model… I am so disappointed” replied our photographer, Andy Rouse. “I can’t believe this is the same gorilla that used to hang out with Dian Fossey.” Mr. Kwitonda became a Hollywood celebrity after he got his break in the box office film “King Kong” (contrary to popular belief, Hollywood does not use a guy in a gorilla suit, instead they use Mr. Kwitonda in all of their gorilla films and shots.) According with sources Mr. Kwitonda became a human activist when he met Mss Fossey in 1967. He once claimed that humans were an endangered species on the path of self-destruction. However, there have been rumors over the years that Mr. Kwitonda and Dian Fossey used to be lovers; the only reason he became a human activist was an excuse to get closer to female zoologists and other scholars. After Mss Fossey death, it is rumored he started to date Dame Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall has denied she ever “loved” simians that way… Of course, these are rumors, but it doesn’t explain why Dame Jane Goodall was caught with Mr. Kwitonda in a hot tub back in 1969 or if there ever was true that Mr. Kwitonda had a threesome with Fossey and Goodall… “This is why simians don’t make good role models” replied dog celebrity, Benji. “Instead they should emulate us dogs… we are better role models.” Un-American News: Global Edition Polar Bears leave Colorado The World. March 31, 2009 - Nation, while I was cannibalizing my neighbors fighting the Polar Bear army on my backyard, the world has descended into socialism and other liberal policies without my saying so. So I am trying fabricate, lie, and deceive the public as fast as I can to catch up on the news… *Israel: God has declared Israel the winner on The War on Terror. Their Victory on Gaza has pleased God. Palestine, is time for you to apologize for your anti-Semitism and give up your houses. You see, the Gazan people gamble their houses that they would win the war… losers! Never bet against the joos GOD! *Socialism: We have news that socialism is destroying America’s banking industry! The banking industry is asking for more free money and bonuses bailout money to fight off socialism! Nation, Obama™ is destroying eight years of Bush’s financial genius; The Greatest Ex-President Ever lead us to a path of economic prosperity, and now the mooslim leader is destroying his legacy, someone please stop him!!! Nation, I think is time to send Cheney’s Assassination Squad to give a visit to That One *Gay Terrorism: Joo terrorist incites hate speech. Enough said… *Religion: The Pope was right? The Pope IS right!!!! Nation, as you remember liberals and sexual deviants accused the Pope of being wrong about condoms not preventing sexual diseases… but we have evidence that condoms fail a 100% and can give you AIDS and stain your soul so you will never go to heaven… which has proven to be correct!! He is the friking Pope!!! Liberals, apologize!!! *Afghanistan: Nation, I don’t like the terrorist-land of the Afghans, but I do agree they make some nice afghans. However, I learned that hard liners and religious extremists are demanding that raep be legalized! religious leaders want to legalize sexual liberation!… Nation, I know we conservatives don’t see eye to eye when it comes to sex, but as you know the religious group is just asking a fair chance to get laid… and what man doesn’t sympathize on that? We do… *War on Liberals: Nation, we are at war and the liberals are trying to undermine democracy, but luckily we have real Americans leading our troops to restore democracy!! Texas Sen. John Cornyn promises he will use the full force of our armed forces to restore democracy! Un-American NASA Declares WAR!! Colbert declared new Space Overlord The Un-American States of Un-America. March 31, 2009 - Nation, as you know NASA will name the new Weaponized Satellite “Colbert” SERENITY???? WTF???? WHO THE HELL THEY THINK THEY ARE??? Nation, these Labcoat Larrys are a bunch of cheaters! We had a deal NASA!! Nation, I am sick and tired of this BS, first The Emmys banned Colbert from ever winning the Host category, and now this!!! What is this??? Since when democracy rewards second place??? If NASA thinks they can get away with this, then maybe we should declare McCain the winner and our new president… since he got second place!!! Hell, maybe we should change election laws, so only the loser can be president from now on!!!! Maybe we should become an un-democratic Nation and reward everyone that gets second place to be declared the winner in all sports and competition... and forget the whole effort thing! Because now you are a winner and you dont have to try hard! Nation, dont despair. Luckily we have allies, and they are forcing NASA to recognize “Colbert” as the winner!! This is a democracy and in a democracy the winner has absolute saying!! Just because the one you voted didn’t win is no excuse to derail their efforts to improve the lives… in outer space… so NASA stop acting like babies and give us the damn Ion Cannon so we can start blasting those damn aliens!!! *UPDATE: Nation, some good news!! I heard NASA is caving in!!! Soon we will reach a compromise!!! The War on Terra: Mother Nature Invades Colorado! Now it's personal The Iceland Queendom of the Gay Bear Army of Colorado. March 27, 2009 HELP!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! Nation, I have some terrible news… the State of Colorado has fallen under the control of the Polar Bears… I can see polar bears from my house!! OMG THAT’S A POLAR BEAR, SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE But this brave Citizen will not be intimidated by the Evil Forces of Nature… As you know, Mother Nature unleashed a terrible blizzard on my State, covering the land with nothing but snow trapping a lot of Real Americans in their homes, while the Polar Bears are playing in the streets, taking over our State Senate or seducing our wymin… F#@K THIS GET ME OUT OF HERE, QUICKLY!!! SEND THE ARMY!!! But don’t worry about me, I will bravely face this snow storm… after all it is my journalistic integrity to sta… forget it! OH MY GOD, PLEASE SEND THE NATIONAL GUARD!!! stay… yes… stay… for the integrity of Wikiality… Don’t worry, I have one day worth of supplies I have plenty of food… mmm… I just noticed some of my neighbors are a little in the overweight size… maybe I should give them a visit… Mooslim Leader Promises New Age of Social Tyranny GOP promises full assault on un-american leader The Liberal States of Un-America. March 27, 2009 - Nation, as the mooslim leader continues his weird Superstar lifestyle, he has decided that the world of television has become too small to contain him, so he decided to unleash his socialist and mooslim message into the “series of tubes”. Nation, I am concerned that the mooslim leader seems to be undermining conservative and traditional media. Now, liberals would say that that is a lie… well is not, and I have proof because… The mooslim leader IS undermining the Real American media!! That’s proof enough!! Obama™ is keeping good reporters out of the loop!!! This is an infringement into our rights to criticize him and eviscerate his message by bypassing traditional media! He is taking away our freedom of speech!! And now the mooslim leader is spreading his socialist message to the far reaches of the tubes! Nation, we have no choice… we need a new army to lead us into battle… we must destroy The Enemy!! But luckily we have Real Americans to help us… like Joe the Plumbers! And according with sources he is leading a large army of plumbers to clean the series of tubes of the filth known as liberalism!!! Nation, we are living in a very dangerous age, in which deviants are terrorizing our children in the series of tubes already. We don’t need to add any more filth that is destroying and corrupting the minds of our children... we must protect their precious pure little minds… at all cost!!! Worst, his socialist agenda is also warping our institutional education to indoctrinate them into the liberal army!! But don’t worry, we will fight to preserve our schools from being polluted by the disease known as liberalism… why change our Real American schools when they are doing just fine?… But luckily we are doing our best to purge these schools of the liberal ideology… mmm… smells like napalm… And Nation, if you are interested in participating in the book burning the seize and destruction of liberal toxic material, you should participate in the rally! We must destroy all books that pollutes and warps the minds of our precious children!!! Yet, there is no safe place for our children anywhere in America, to the best of our efforts… As you know the socialist leader is destroying our children’s future… first we have evidence that he is going to slave our children to serve his socialist agenda!! We believe that the liberals will prostitute our children… they are pimping them so they can use the proceeds to pay off our Nation’s debt!! Nation, I am tired of the liberals destroying America. But mostly I am tired of undermining THE LAW! Yes, the mooslim leader is setting a bad example by breaking the law… by being a mooslim and a foreigner!! What kind of example is that to our children? We received information that many un-americans are following his example and breaking the law without remorse!! Just recently some douche ran over a red light, putting a lot of Real American in danger!! What a jerk… Nation, liberals are soft in crime! Because they are in charge now, many un-americans and Welfare Queens are taking advantage of the situation… They are creating a Nation of criminals and sexual deviants!! Nation, we need tougher laws to punish criminals!!! Now, I know things seem hopeless and looks like God has abandoned us… but don’t be fooled, God is testing our faith!! After all, only the righteous will win at the end! How can God be wrong? So stop questioning his wisdom and start praying that the mooslim one will fail soon… Besides, the GOP had a secret meeting a few days ago, and I heard they have an excellent plan to defeat That One AND to Save America FOREVER!! I also suggested my own plan to save Ameirca... I am still waiting for their response… I am sure it is a good plan!! The Joo Is At It Again!!!! Now We are At War! The Colbertican States of Colberica. March 25, 2009 - Nation I have some good news and some terrible news… The Good news is that our Beloved Colbert is more popular than EVER!!!! Now the terrible horrible news… the Joo one is popular too and he surpassed Colbert by 1%!!!!!! WTF!!!!! Why does John Stewart hates America and Colbert?… Mooslim Leader Too Busy Being a TV Personality to Run Country GOP demands their own reality Tv show The Mooslim States of America. March 25, 2009 - Nation, yesterday the mooslim leader when to the TV and gave his usual speech, I didn’t listen because I was busy last night. I was at the Britney Spears concert I was participating in a secret meeting to rescue America, so don’t tell anyone… this is a secret plan that we have been working for years… Nation, I am concerned at the state of our country. Just recently I learned that liberals have taken over my home state! I am concerned with the future of America, specially the young generation that are falling under the sweet lies of liberalism… First of all youngsters these days have fallen under the spell of the mooslim leader, who knows what devious liberal schemes are planning to use against Real Americans… But luckily I meet a couple of young entrepreneurial who remind me not every young man is a hippie bear-loving liberal, these young men are free market believers and would do anything for money… good for them! We need to indoctrinate our children the value of money, is the only way to protect them against the evils of socialism… seriously… those liberals are animals (no, really they are!) And we must make certain that our children do not fall under the spell of Gay liberalism… The good news is that at least we have Real American Heroes who are fighting the good fight against the deviance of liberalism, who are not afraid of criticizing the communist/mooslim administration, and that at least we have the only Real Voice of America speaking for Real Americans. Fox is the only beacon of conservatism in this sea of Liberalistic Media who seems to be willing to give a free pass to the mooslim administration… Emergency News: Dark Times Are Coming… Apocalypse is NOW The Unholy Alliance of Satan and The Gays. March 25, 2009 - Nation, I have some shocking news!! We have reliable evidence that The Dark Times have finally arrived!! Now liberals would say that this just crazy talk, that the evidence is murky at best.... hold it, I have a pile of more evidence of reliable sources that will back up our exaggerated claim. We have trusted politicians who can see the future… and Nation… the future is bleak… so we should ask him to see what stock options to pick so we can buy a solution to our troubles… (and maybe send him to jail for not warning us about American electing a mooslim president…) But is not just Americans who can see troubles ahead… even the liberal filthy Eurotrash agree that maybe the mooslim one is not such a great leader after all… “The Dark One will destroy your lands by burning them with the fires of welfare, bringing the fires of hell into your wallets and shattering the prosperity of the world. He is the Dark Lord leading an army of Hell and poverty into the world’s free market!!! That One must be stopped!!! The man doesn’t know nothing about Economics!!!!…” replied Czech Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek who is known to be a financial genious… Nation, the future is bleak for America... just recently Real American like Ed Henry confronted the mooslim leader about the crazy massive spending… rather than answer a sensible question, the mooslim leader used his Murdering Stare of Death… ...Nation, is true… the mooslim leader has Supwerpowers!!! We have no word of Mr. Ed Henry, but we assumed he is in a better place now… you shall never be forgotten… Nation, we Real Americans must not be afraid of asking the hard questions. After all someone has to do the hard work to uncover the filth that this mooslim leader is hiding… ---- Superstar mooslim good for TV Ratings Fox wants a new Reality TV Show: Obama’s House The Hollywood Land of the Liberal States of Obamamerica. March 24, 2009 - Nation, I don’t know about you but lately I noticed that the president… isn’t very presidential… I mean, instead of doing the job of running the country, he had being doing nothing but going into our tvs and trying to sell us something, like some sort of infomercial… When is he going to start acting like a president and go isolate himself back into the White House and do his job?… I am sick and tired of seeing Obama™ all the time!!! The man has serious issues… really… maybe he thinks he is the start of some sort of reality tv show… Worst, instead of signing important bills, the mooslim leader spend his time writing to his pen pals… …clearly we are dealing with an incompetent president that cannot be bothered with running the country properly. Because of his laziness many liberals policies are being implemented while he is busy making new friends and ignoring America’s crisis… if this continues I fear the America that I remember will disappear forever… our land will be gone, traditional family values will be erased, liberal ideology will be taught in school, and socialism will be the law of the land… Nation, we need to go back to good traditional values… why change it?… Nation… America has spoken… we need to boot him out of office and find someone who will actually do the business of running this country rather than waste their time going to overrated late night shows… But I still hold hope… why? because our numbers are growing, and the liberals are starting to shrink their numbers! We must demonstrate to the rest of the world that only Real Americans can save America and all of their citizens… and even though I have my doubts with these hippie bear-loving liberals… we must convince them to do our bidding or else… to join us… we feel your pain… stupid liberals... But I also have some good news! Bobby Jindal Whiteman will hold a new press conference!!!! Yay!!! That guy is so good on tv… I wish we could see him everyday!!… I bet he will speak out again about that wasteful program known as “Volcano Monitoring”… seriously when is Congress going to outlaw such pork program?… Nation, write to your Congressman and tell them to outlaw “Volcano Monitoring” is a waste of taxpayer money… Shocking News: UN Is Anti-semitic and Racist!! The Glorious Holyland of God’s Summer Home. March 24, 2009. - Nation… I am shocked… shocked at the racism… shocked at the prejudice… shocked at the hatred and the irrational behavior… of the UN’s criticism of Israel!! Don’t they know they are our allies against The War on Terror? We need them because our number of allies are still shrinking Israel has the right to defend itself from bears, terrorists and liberal hippies! Just recently their forces fought a bloody battle against terrorist hippies… those joos Israelites are such brave people… Nation, it is well known that the UN has an anti-semitic agenda, we think they are trying to extort Israel of their joo gold they hate the joos chosen people. First of all, the brave soldiers of the IDF are in harms ways constantly, the threat of death haunts them everyday… and they must fight against dangerous terrorist entities that threaten democracy and the free world! That is not easy, and yet the UN seems to sympathize with the terrorists… Now I know some of you will say, as Real Americans “why should we care about the joos?” “How can we help them so we can further our agenda to spread the word of God and destroy terrorism once and for all?” Simple… tell the UN to back off… And it doesn’t help that we have a mooslim in the White House who is friendly with the enemy… diplomacy is overrated… Canada Demands Apology for Insult Canada Loves Fox! Canada threatens to invade America. Oh yeah, with what army? The Patriotic States of America. March 23, 2009 Nation, as you probably heard, a couple of days ago the lazy Canadian army was asking for time off, because they cant stand the heat of the desert and they missed playing ice hockey… lazy bastards… Anyway, we The Big Superpowerful USA told them to take the day off. I mean we don’t need them… seriously Canada's army sucks… who needs them?… Is not like they can threaten us or anything… Death Start to Be Renamed “Colbert”, in Honor of the Greatest American Hero! WE DID IT!!!! The Colbertican States of Colberica!! March 23, 2009 - WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I heard that the Pentagon will install an Ion Cannon on the "Colbert" so it can blast the hippies and liberals!!! I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!! America’s Financial Future is Saved!! GOP claims victory!! The Patriotic States of America! March 23, 2009 - Nation, we did it!! The greedy joos has returned most of the money they took!! Not only that but they promised us that they will reform their corporate behavior and fix the problem…!! they will change their name, so it will fix everything!!! From now on it will be I.O.U. AIU!! That way, anything bad that happened we blame it to the old AIG!! Don’t worry Nation! AIU has promised us that they will hunt down AIG and make them pay for stealing the money! AIU wont rest until the real killers are brought to justice AIG pays back what they stole… if only they could find them… Nation… now that we fixed the problem we should focus on the Real Problem that is destroying America’s economy… Socialism!! As you know the hippie bear-loving liberals don’t seem to understand capitalism and the free market! We reward good people for a good job, and we reward incompetent people for an awful job securing America’s economy! The hippie bear-loving liberals, the poor, and the Welfare Queens are abusing the law and imposing oppressive taxes to destroy America!! Nation, these are scary times!! Which is why we must arm our citizens to stop the hippie bear mooslim army once and for all!!! Nation, we are tired of the mooslim leader enacting socialists policies that no one has ever heard of!!! Or worst… Volcano Monitoring… such a useless program… Nation… the mooslim leader is destroying America… and only Real Americans can safeguard it! Worst… I heard they unionized the help, so now no one is keeping the White House clean! Seriously, the First Family doesn’t have good values… not like us… Real Americans. Nation, we are the voice of America!! And we are not afraid of speaking out the truth truthiness! After all we are Americans… and we are afraid of no one! So lets get our guns and weapons and stop this socialist movement once and for all!!!! Viva La Revolusion!! Viva La Oligarchia!! Viva La Truthiness!!! More Un-American News: Freedom of Speech Abolished The Great United Kingdom of Britain Keeps Children Safe from Naughty Blokes and Wankers! Someone please think of the cartoonish children! The Great British Empire. March 23, 2009 - Loyal subjects of the Crown! As you know some pedophiles and wankers have been browsing the series of tubes for their share of materials of a pornographic nature. As English subjects of the Crown we must stop the spread of this “disease” or as the wankers in the American colonies call it “liberalism”… But thanks to the wisdom of our Glorious Parliament a law shall soon pass the banning of producing, selling, and observation of such filth… We have a list of the criminals that are promoting the filth of sex and pornography… criminals like graphic artist Alan Moore, comic book artist and writer Bryan Talbot, writer John Reppion and that horrible and naughty Neil Gaiman… …I am sorry, I dreadfully cannot do this… I mean… I love comic books and graphic novels! You cannot be serious… this is censorship to the worst level… hey… get your hands off me!!! People of Wikiality. We apologize for the inconvenience. Wikiality is suffering from technical difficulties. We just lost our tea-sucking British correspondent… last we heard he was in the gallows… don’t know what that is… I better hide my stash of graphic novels, comics books, and my Japanese tentacle pr0n of school girls and naughty nuns… better safe than sorry… but thank God I live in America… UN-American News: Israel Fights Terrorists and Hippies! God is in our side… The Blessed Holyland of Israel Jesusland Israel. March 23, 2009 - Nation, I have some good news, the joos the citizens of Israel are winning the war on Terror!! As you know, for a while I had written articles on how the joos the Israelites are helping us to spread the word of our Christian God! Israel is fighting to protect democracy and the free world! I am sure that the people of Israel must be proud of their troops, you Israel soldiers are true heroes! Keep the good fight and kill those damn Palestinians terrorists! And is not just terrorists they are hunting down! Israel is also keeping hippies and liberals away from their land… Israel is fighting the hippie-terrorist army!! Damn hippies… Nation, we must help the joos Israelites in the battle to liberate the Holyland, that way the Baby Jesus will return sooner and start the Apocalypse!! we can safeguard democracy in the Middle-East. Israel, do not worry, our American Joos the American people support your battle for liberation!! Nation, I am so happy of seeing joos The Children of God from the Land of Israel and The Real Chosen People Christians working hand in hand in helping bringing the Apocalypse the word of God, Freedom, Democracy, and Apple Pies into the Middle-East… But most of all LIBERTY! Soon the Middle-East will have to adopt America’s way of life and stop persecuting the joos the Nation of Israel… You dirty arabs stop being racists!! After all, this is a new age, since Racism is over! And since Racism is over, those damn Arabs better get use to the idea that the Holyland is ours!! That’s Jesus home, dammit! Since Racism is over, we must make the Palestinian people understand that Israel has the right to exist and they don’t… We the people of Wikiality know all about the end of Racism… even our beloved Stephen is Non-racist!! Were do we learn our non-racist way? Only one place… Dartmouth College!! One of the most non-racists institutions in America! Hell, I even learned that lynching is not for white people anymore; it seems to be very popular with black people this day! We truly live in a non-racist era!!… Ultra Rich Revolution Is Close at Hand!! GOP Will Save The Free Market!! Wall Street dances with joy The Free Market States of Corporate America™. March 22, 2009 - Nation! We did it!! I had been told that the Ultra Rich’s plan to take over the government is almost complete!! we are close of saving America’s economy!! Now I know I had been giving mixed signals over the days I had been leading the fight to restore the power of the Free Market with a devious master plan so complex that some of you would never understand, but trust me, I know what I am we are doing… First of all, America should congratulate the GOP for turning down the mooslim’s bribery for salvaging additional cash to be dole out among friends our cash strapped Real Americans who need financial help… …and second… what do you mean I am not getting any of the bailout money? …never mind… back to the torches and pitchforks… Real Americans Fear For Their Lives Greedy Joos Stealing Our Money!!! GOP: “AIG is not a Real American Company” The Ultra Rich States of America. March 21, 2009 - Nation! These are fearsome times, as you know Real Americans are being taxed to death… literally! As you know a bunch of populists are demanding the head of capitalist financiers and economic genius to be served on a silver platter! This populist and socialist movement will destroy the lives of many Real Ame… What?… memo… what memo?… Nation!! We must join our Angry Mob Army to stop these greedy bastards!! As you know our beloved Stephen Colbert has called for the fires of righteous indignation!! They took our jobs and our money!! AIG is not a Real American Company!! Real Americans wouldn’t steal from Real Americans!! Not only that but we think AIG is run by greedy joos!! They even gave huge bonuses to their employees, their security guards, their janitors, their chuffers, their nannies, their mistresses, and even their pets!! Did you know that an AIG janitor has three mistresses, two chuffers (one for day shift and another for night shift) and three mansions?? THE SHOCK!!! Nation, let us get our torches and pitchforks!! And find those f#@kers before is too late! In the words of our beloved Stephen: SHOCKING NEWS: OBAMA™ IS A RACIST!!! White People are shocked! The Racist States of Obamamerica. March 21, 2009 - Nation, I have some shocking news!!! Not only is Obama™ a secret mooslim, but a racist too!!! We have finally found evidence that our president doesn’t like black people white people!! I am ashamed of the liberal bear-loving hippies… but I guess we can finally see the real face of Obama™… and is a black face mooslim racist face… Free T-shirts for God’s Army Everyone loves free t-shirts! The Faithful States of America. March 21, 2009 - Nation, as you know America is at risk of loosing God forever… which is why we as soldiers of God must continue our fight to spread Christianity the word of God and his love to the rest of the world… While we do this I received some inspiration on how to help our troops on these dark and difficult times, and to spread our message of God's wrathful indignation against the nonbelievers God's love and forgiveness… as you know morale in Afghanistan and Iraq is at all times low, probably because they are now serving under a mooslim president… but thanks to their love for God we can save their morale and their soul at the same time!! Free t-shirts!!! That’s right, I was inspirited to print t-shirts for our troops… and not just our troops but anyone that enlists in God’s army and do God’s work can also get one! Once the enemy see our troops wearing these t-shirts, they will realize our love for God... then they will have no choice but to surrender to get their own free t-shirts!! BRILLIANT!!! Sometimes, I scare even myself… strangely enough, I haven’t been able to find anyone to print my t-shirts… I bet the shops are run by atheists and liberals… but don’t worry as soon as I find one shop to print these lovely t-shirts with God’s wrathful hopeful message, I will be giving these ones away… seriously… why isn’t anyone taking them??? SHOCKING NEWS: JOO STEALS COLBERT’S GLORY!!! Why does he keeps doing this?… The United States of John Stewart. March 20, 2009 - Nation! I am shocked!! It wasn’t good enough for John Stewart to humiliate Real Americans and Financial free market genius on TV… Now the Joo is trying to steal Stephen’s glory on The Time 100!!! As you can see Stephen is number five, while the Joo is in second place… then those bastards at 4chan then there is 4chan as #1, 4chan is a great and true website, as revealed to “moot”, blessings and peace be upon him. Now please, don’t hack us Liberals Hate God Pope is declared Enemy #1 by Hippie Bear-loving Liberals The Atheistic States of Liberal Gay America. March 20, 2009 - Nation. The news are not good… the hippie bear-loving liberals are not stopping their secular atheist bear-loving agenda to spit God in the face! Nation, we cannot allow the nonbelievers liberals to destroy our faith in God! But don’t worry the liberal’s godless hedonistic atheistic army of secularists will surrender soon… after all we have God in our side! And whoever has God in their side makes might right!!! is the one that wins!! Now, the liberals will tell you that fanatism our faith in God is wrong… nonsense, there is nothing wrong in loving God too much. After all, only good things happens if you are blindly obedient to God! Nation! We are at war against these heathens and we must be ready to fight!! Remember, always listen to your priest and do as they tell you, after all they are God’s little helpers and they are doing God’s work in The War on Atheists… if they give you any type of command you must follow their orders… if God tells you, “DO THIS” you must… after all if God says so… Nation, in the history of humanity, we have evidence that we must always blindly follow the commands of our Authority. That be it the Rightful and True Government (like the Republicans) or The True God (Our Christian God... those other gods are just imitating and jealous)… After all, there is no evidence that anything has ever gone awry by being blindly obedient… I mean faithful… I mean sure, the Nazis were following orders but that is the exception so let us fight the nonbelievers!! Death to Atheists!!! Oh, yeah… some mooslim is celebrating their version of New Years… Socialist Mooslim goes to Late Night Show He doesn’t care about the cries of Real Americans! The United States of the Mooslim One. March 20, 2009 - Nation, while the mooslim one was on some tv show last night. America’s economy was sinking faster than we could count... the economic collapse was caused by his socialist agenda!! This is the problem with liberals and commies, they don’t seem to understand that our free market system only works unless we allow the will of the market do its magic… stop imposing communist regulations! Otherwise Real Americans cannot make Real Money!!! As you know, the mooslim leader has decided to declare war on capitalism and decided to tax The Ultra Rich of 90% of their wealth from bonuses Real Americans of all of their money!!!! Nation, I have evidence that the mooslim leader has sent his secret assassins squad to target anyone who has more than $250,000 in their bank account!! money… Nation, we must stop the socialist agenda!! All of our wallets lives are at risk!! But thankfully we have an army of Nazis Bankers in our side, and Wall Street knows all about fighting back! Our Army of Lawyers are super strong thanks to taxpayer money thanks to the spirit of the free market! Run liberals! Run!! Nation. I know all about your suffering… I know you are all tired… of these welfare queens destroying the free market!! How dare take away our bonuses our right to make money!! I know you are all angry at this socialistic agenda, so it is time to fight!! Nation, the mooslim administration has failed to save America. It is time for the GOP to get back our government from their liberal hands and to rebuild America... it will be stronger, smarter, and more powerful than EVER!!! Now, I know some of you think this is impossible… but trust us, we found a way to regain back our power!!! The GOP has a secret plan! But… is a secret so I cant tell you what it is… Even I don’t know what their secret plan is… but I am told it works!! *UPDATE: Nation, I have some good news!!! Our Real Constitutional Scholars believe that the mooslim socialist agenda is a violation of our First Amendment!!! The First Amendment guarantees our freedom of speech freedom to make money!!! COLBERT WAS HOT ON THE TODAY SHOW!!! Nation wants to Twatt too! The Colberic States of True America. March 19, 2009 - Nation. Our Beloved Stephen Colbert was on The Today Show!! AND IT WAS AWESOME!! Not only was Stephen Colbert a pleasing guess, but he was also well mannered! His appearance was such a success that I hear that is appearance is boiling hot in the blogosphere! America saw Colbert, and America liked what it saw! Oh, yeah… I also hear some tv show person appeared on The Today Show and said some nasty stuff… if you see the guy kick his @$$… Hippie Bear-loving Liberals Wants Liberal Educashun Real Americans say no… The Christian States of Jesusland of America. We are Number #1!! March 19, 2009 - Nation, like many all of you, I worship the true God and follow the true religion the American version of the true Religion. So I am very concerned in the state of our educashun… I am talking about Abstinence Only Educashun!!! Nation, the mooslim leader wants to teach our children to have sex!! And probably film it and post it on youtube!!!! Somebody must do something!! Nation, we have reliable sources that Sex Education leads to a life of sin, debauchery, and sexual diseases… I mean the source has the ears of God Himself! Nation, teaching sex to children is immoral. It should be our first priority to stop this dreadful curriculum; nothing else has top priority! After all, if we don’t teach our children Abstinence Only and that Sex is evil… how would we able to maintain our children’s purity?… Nation… I blame the liberals for keeping God out of the classroom… we need to go back to a time when America worshiped the Right and True God… not some make believe fantasy… Which is why I demand that we make ‘Creationism’ mandatory! After all we have the support of the True Religion! Nation, we must bring back Religion to our country… if not we will collapse under the rule of secularism and the gayness… is it wrong to love God too much? Death to the nonbelievers!!!! *UPDATE: Nation, thanks to Papa Bear, we know that dictionaries have a liberal bias, which is why schools are full of dictionaries. To brain wash our children into liberalism and gay sex. We even have new evidence that Merriam-Webster is in league with The Gays!!!! SHOCKING NEWS: MOOSLIM LEADER WILL TAX ALL YOUR MONEY!!! Ultra Rich Real Americans cry for help! The Socialist States of Communist Russia-America. March 19, 2009 - Comrades! We have succeeded in our struggle against the capitalist pigs! Now that our Glorious Communist Leader Hussein Obama has suc… what? We are not commies yet?… Nation! We are at WAR! As you know the hippie bear-loving commie pinko mooslim government is already taxing all Ultra Rich Real Americans to death! But I have some good news! The Glorious Chairman of the Republican Party is amassing a large army to stop this illegal taxation against The Ultra Rich Real Americans! Our numbers are swelling and nothing can stop us now!! Nation, do not loose heart! Remember, The Ultra Rich needs to keep their money all Real Americans are struggling to keep their rightfully earned money. Without it, we will be on the streets… how selfish can the poor can be! *UPDATE: Good news! Some Real Americans found ways to stop paying taxes all together! They moved out into a tax-free housing project which allows them to never have to pay tax properties... and I hear they also found ways to stop paying taxes on their income too! The Joo Wont Go Away Ultra Lawsuit to be served The Patriotic States of America. March 18, 2009 - Nation, as you know a couple of days ago America was shocked when they saw on their tv a Joo raeping a Real American on National television some crappy cable show… well, thanks to the leading forces of Real Americans, the Joo will go to jail!! We learned from CNBC, a reliable source of real journalism, that they will sue the Joo for defamation. “All lies!! I will sue him of all his joowish money, and then sent him to Guantanamo!!” declared The Greatest NBC Universal Chief Executive Ever Jeff Zucker. by the way I am still waiting to see if he got my job application as Journalist Financial Advisor… Nation, we cannot let the Joo get away with Murder! Raep! telling the truth his liberal rant! EMERGENCY NEWS: Socialist Mooslim Leader Wants to Tax Ultra Rich AIG Real Americans GOP Cries Class Warfare Against Ultra Rich Real Americans!! The Communist States of Russia. March 18, 2009 - Nation. We are at war!! And I don’t mean just against the mooslim terrorist! The liberal bear-loving commie hippies have decided to declare war against the Ultra Rich Real Americans!! Nation, this is a Class Warfare against the Ultra Rich Real Americans that just happen to be good in making money! As you know the Welfare Queens have launched an attack on The Ultra Rich Real Americans and the hippie bear-loving liberals are planning to increase Taxes on anyone that has money. And since the poor has no money, they don’t pay taxes!! That is just not fair! The reason the poor hates The Ultra Rich us Real Americans is because they never learned how to make money… get a job you leeches!! Now I know many of us are scare, we should be. We are defenseless and no one is looking for the Big Guy Fat Guy Real American Guy… which is us most of us few of us… Americans. Nation, WE ARE AT WAR… Nation, we cannot deny that the fires of socialism are spiraling out of control. What we have here is a wildfire and is going to burn America! We have no choice, we The Ultra Rich Real Americans must fight back! As of right now The Socialist Gay Army is burning all signs of capitalism, foreigners are invading our cities, taking away our wymin, and the socialist mooslim is leading his socialist jihad at full force! The liberals are even building a freaking Giant Laser!!! Nation… This is Total War… But thankfully we have many Real American leaders and the GOP working overtime to stop the socialist menace, and we have news that we were able to stop the hippie bear-loving liberal’s allies… the wolves!! We decimated those biatches!! Nation, we must defend the rights of The Ultra Rich Real Americans… after all, we must set an example to the Capitalist Free World Mooslim One Flip Flops on Economy!! GOP suspicious The Islamofacist Commie States of Redcommie Amerika. March 16, 2009 - Nation. First the mooslim one said that the economy is spiraling out of control, and now recently we learned that thanks to their socialist policies the economy is doing great! We have evidence that Joe Biden told to a public six months ago recently, that “The Fundamentals of our Economy are strong”, he was quoting McCain what kind of idiot says that? Either the economy is gloom and doom and we are going to the poor house or we are all rich and everything is fine! Pick a side! We are at war! I don’t know about you, but I think this economic crisis was fabricated so they could pull a fast one on all of us and rob our money!! I am starting to suspect the whole energy and oil crisis was also fabricated too so they could bankrupt the poor Oil Men… Shame on you hippie bear-loving liberals and liers!!! Hollywod’s SICK Joke!!!! they sill love gay-marriage-abortion-bear-loving lifestyle The Uncool F#@king States of Bear-merica!!! March 16, 2009 - Nation, I am so mad!!!!! We been lied!!!! As you remember I reported that The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences (or as shall be known from now on as The Academy of Liberal Gayness and Witchcraft Moving Pictures), told us that they changed the rules so giving television hosts a separate category Stephen Colbert would be able to win… well they lied… well, not exactly, they did change the rules… THEY ELIMINATED THE CATEGORY FOR HOSTS!!!! Which means STEPHEN COLBERT HAS BEEN BANNED FOR LIFE TO EVER WIN AN EMMY!!!! But at least the joo wont get an Emmy either… Real American Heroes and Victims of Horrible RAEEEP (Rage Against Eloquent Entrepreneurial Expert People) Speaks Up Against Joo Tucker Carlson: Every time I close my eyes, I see his face… The United States of America. March 16, 2009 - Nation, days after the horrible incident, we learned that The Joo was a repeat offender of these horrible crimes. Many victims came into the light and spoke up about the abusive partisanship of John Stewart. While the victims are still experiencing PTSD (Post Traumatic Stewart Disorder), that has not stop them from returning back to a normal life of political punditry. Many of the victims have decided to invite Jim Cramer into their support group called “We Hate The John Stewart Club” “Outreach Center for Victims that Have been Butthurt Because of That Joo That Thinks Is Funny and Better Than You” “All we ever did was to love America… is that wrong? I spoke the truth truthiness and the Joo decided to have his way with me. All because I have a different view of the world… How is that wrong? I am the victim here!!” proclaimed Victim and Real American Hero Tuker Carlson. Mr. Carlson suffered from a traumatic experience; the trauma was so severe that he lost his job a few weeks later. Worst, the shameful event was video taped and spread into the Series of Tubes and it became a hit! We suspect The Joo was responsible for it, so he could relieve the events over and over again… Because of the traumatic experience, Mr. Carlson hasn’t been able to hold a job over the years. Last we heard Mr. Carlson was working behind an alley “pleasuring” truckers in the entertainment business. “Horrible… it was awful… he wanted to have a three way with us. I said ‘no way’, but he wouldn’t listen,” cried another poor victim, Paul Begala. We heard that Mr. Begala also lost his job, but he was able to find new employment a few months ago. He is now the Official White House Shoe Licker. “Is a tragedy,” proclaimed Doctor Spinner. “We suspect there are more victims out there. Each year the number of Real American and Conservative Commentators are dropping, because they are afraid of The Joo… if we don’t do something we could loose the heart and soul of America. While this president is pushing his socialist agenda, socialist welfare, and The Gay agenda… many Real Americans are afraid to speak up against these hippie bear-loving liberal agendas and policies, for fear that The Joo may decide to invite them to his show…” Nation, if you notice any Real American expressing any odd behavior, chances are they are also a victim of RAEEEP (Rage Against Eloquent Entrepreneurial Expert People)… RAEEEP is a serious business and is no joke… *UPDATE: Nation, we just learned that economists and progressives are demanding CNBC to radically change their mission to fight against The Joo! Quote: "Americans need CNBC to do strong, watchdog journalism -- asking tough questions to Wall Street, debunking lies, and reporting the truth," the letter reads. "Instead, CNBC has done PR for Wall Street. You've been so obsessed with getting 'access' to failed CEOs that you willfully passed on misinformation to the public for years, helping to get us into the economic crisis we face today. You screwed up badly. Don't apologize -- fix it!" Fight the Joo!! Nation, if you want to fight the joo before he destroys America's economy go to http://fixcnbc.com/ fixthejoo.com or you can call CNBC at 1-877-251-5685! White Racists Calls for Civil War Real Americans Call for Patriotic Revolution The Glorious Chairman of the Republican Party Calls for Legitimate Restoration of Power The Patriotic States of America. March 14, 2009 - Nation, War has been declared!!! Is time for Total War!!! Let us burn our cities! Overthrow our government and disarray our economic market!! Let the lamentation of women and the cries of babies fill the echoes of the night!!! It is time to overthrow the mooslim leader!!! Nation, we have been called to fulfill our patriotic duty to overthrow an oppressive regime. We cannot continue to legitimize That One as our leader, nor can we allow the continued practice of socializing doctrine to prevail, for it is deteriorating our traditional free market values. Our illegitimate leadership has encouraged the practice of deception and manipulation of the truth; they claim that financial disaster has destroyed our Nation, yet it is their corrupt socialist policies that are bankrupting our Nation and financial institutions. The Tyrant One’s leadership has been brought into questioning. We cannot expose our Nation’s safety under his military inexperience, his oblivion on matters of National Security, and his deficiency in economic policy making. "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and provide new Guards Overlords for their future security." (I think I read it somewhere in some old paper...) Liberals suggest Gay Socialist Economy GOP calls for the National Guard The Gayest States of Gay America. March 14, 2009 - Nation, as the economy is plummeting, and socialism is being indoctrinated through out the land. The Gays have decided it should be a good idea to call for peace truce surrender… as a gesture of diplomacy; they want to help to rebuild America’s economy… by inducing what we call “The Gay Economy”, is just like socialism but gayer. Nation, we think this is a sign of weakness and we are close on winning The War on Gays! The GOP agrees is time to destroy the gays no matter what, and at all cost!!! Move forward and show no quarter!!! We must not fall into their trick!!! Everyone knows that “The Gay Economy” doesn’t work (just like communism), but instead it will turn us all GAY!!! Nation, I am not the only Real American who thinks if we allow gays to marry, it would be the end of the world and a slippery slope into liberal hedonism. IF we allow gay marriage to pass, next thing you know I will be forced to marry my 2D girl fantasy crush and have 2D babies with her… actually I wouldn’t mind that MSNBC Attacked by Crazy Joo Jim Cramer “traumatized” after attack March 13, 2009 - Nation, you probably saw the horrible event that took place the day before. I am referring the event in which some third rate cable show host attacked one of the greatest American financial Heroes of all time. America saw with horror as the joowish one eviscerated and violated poor Mr. Cramer. But not everyone was in shock; we have word that the liberals enjoyed the horrific and disgusting display… (it figures liberals will watch and enjoy this “snuff film”). “I liked the part when Mr. John Stewart shoved a lead pipe up Mr. Cramer’s @$$” claimed the White House lackey… “This is a very shameful behavior, it speaks volume on how the liberal media seems to enjoy showing disgusting images like this. How dare that joo do that to a Real Financial American!! And he calls himself a journalist? Sir, you are no journalist!” claimed Mr. Talkinghead MSNBC. Mr. Cramer suffered great traumatic injury, but thankfully he is surrounded by friends and family members, helping him to recuperate. I applaud the bravery of Mr. Cramer; the man must have brass balls to accept an invitation to the pit of fire and torture. And Shame on you John Stewart some third rate cable show host joo! Don’t you know that Mr. Cramer is a very important member of society?… specially the financial kind. Without him how are we Real Americans supposed to get our tips in making real money? The man is Rich and he made many Real Americans rich thanks to him! Not only that, Mr. Cramer's show is way more popular than that bozo... Nation, we journalists must stick together against these “fakers”, we won't be silenced, nor we will be allow our brothers to be bullied!! After all the truth truthiness shall prevail! Even now MSNBC is reporting the indignant act!... So MSNBC decided to ignore the joo, after all talking about the traumatic event would just encourage “the liberals” into gleeful behavior, so I ask all Real Americans to ignore what just happened as if NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL… after all Mr. Cramer seems to have been able to move on without problems… What a brave man… *UPDATE: I have noticed a lot of furor in the "Blogosphere", I have not read all of the articles, but I am sure they all agree that the joo lost and Mr. Cramer won last night! Here are links to the thousands of tubes that prove the joo crossed the line and that Mr. Cramer is the Real Hero… shame on you Mr. Joo!!! *MSNBC: “John Stewart is not a Real Journalist” *Cramer Vs Non-Cramer: Kick @$$ of the Century! *Jim Cramer Trashes joo *To Catch a Financial Predator joo *The Joo one roasted, burned, and violated Mr. Real Financial Hero *Crazy joo violates on National TV some crappy cable chanel *joo bullies MSNBC *the crazy joo and the his meltdown *the joo is a clown, not a journalist *how Mr. Cramer saved America’s economy! *the ravings of a Crazy joo *The Bravery of Mr. Cramer! *Real Journalism Prevails once again, “faker” John Stewart runs for the hills *Cramer declared whiner winner!! *the DIShonor of John Stewart ### Hollywood Surrenders!! Liberals admit they are sorry The United States of America. March 12, 2009 - In this day of economic recession, high unemployment, terrorist threats, and a crazy mooslim leader pushing us into socialism and commie welfare, is good to know there are still great victories to claim! As you know the liberals have robbed our beloved Stephen of his rightful Emmy for years! They were so bent on destroying him that they would rather hand their Emmys to the likes of Maaaaannnniiiilllloooooooooow!!! Beeeennnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttt Rrrrriiiiicccckkkkllllleeeeeeees *shakes fist* Well, as you know all of these scandals did not set well with Real Americans. So outrageous was this obvious liberal corruption that we picked our pitchforks and torches and threatened these liberals with death we started a petition to change these silly rules… So there is no way our beloved Stephen can loose next time… for you see… The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has tweaked its rules in several categories, including splitting the Individual performance in a variety or music program field into two: one for hosts of comedy/variety/music series and one for performers in such specials!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!! We did it!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, news of the changes have brought a lot of unscrupulous characters trying to ride Stephen’s coattails and make a profit from it (they must know he WILL win next time…) Criminals like Sean McLean Norman Rockwell who stole Stephen’s painting idea. But the worst criminal and offender is Iran… as soon as news of Stephen’s probability of winning the Emmy’s rose, they decided to profit from his image, by using his likeness to sell men’s clothes islamofacist fashion clothes!!! *UPDATE: We learned that some crappy cable station is trying to sell some commie merchandise with the image of our beloved Stephen... for shame! Socialism New Law of the Land Barack Stalin Lenin Obama™ New Chairman of the Super Communist Party The United Soviet Socialist States of Communist America-Russia. March 12, 2009 - Nation, the mooslim-communist chairman of the New American Soviet Union has given his commie speech today… as always his speech contained hippie bear-loving liberal propaganda. The likes like “The Free Market has fallen! We must impose Communism, comrade!!” and “Socialist healthcare and welfare for everyone!!!”… Nation, don’t listen to his lies!! While the economy may be suffering a little, there is nothing wrong with it! I say let the free market decide! It will save us all!! …I mean, nothing terrible is going to happen… that’s just fear and propaganda… I know fear and propaganda... The mooslim one has already sent his “storm troopers” to hunt down all Ultra Rich Real Americans so they can be ‘brainwashed’ into socialism… as you can see the liberals are being unfair and unjust on the treatment of successful people! Just this morning they put a successful entrepreneur on jail because he made too much money! When will they learn we are the only ones that make America successful…? Now, Nation. The liberals claim that America is spending too much on Healthcare… Well duh! WE GET THE BEST HEALTH CARE MONEY CAN BUY!!! The only reason they are complaining is that they want some of that health care to be spent on the poor… well, if they want excellent healthcare then get a job!! Nation. The GOP is coming close to a solution to save America from Socialism once and for all, with the new leadership of The Glorious Chairman of the Republican Party we can get there!!! Why Does The Mooslim One Hate Us? Satan gives ok to America's destruction… The Unholy States of Hell-America. March 11, 2009 - I have some shocking news!! Wikiality has just learned that Obama™ has a pal in Africa! (well all blacks mooslim ones have friends in Africa), but that is not the shocking news... for we suspect that the mooslim leader is not just friends with terrorists, hippies, and bears, but that list includes dictadors, none other than Evil Robert Mugabe!! We learned that Mugabe and That One schemed a horrible terrorist plot, they are hording the lost tapes of Doctor Who for themselves! they hate Doctor Who so much that they are ruining it for me, I mean us… we believe they are in possession of video tapes of matters of National Security!!! We must invade Zimbabwe!!! While we wait for the invasion, I wanted to talk about Real American Heroes… as you know we conservatives have been bullied by the liberal bear-loving hippies for a long time. Not even our beloved leader, The Glorious Chairman of The True Party is safe from their attacks! Why do liberal hates us? Because they are Gay and they hate freedom! Nation, we conservatives will continue the good fight, after all we are like superheroes… you probably wonder what makes one a superhero…? I tell you what makes one a superhero… superpowers! And whoever has the gun superpower, it makes the law! So you probably wonder, where am I going with this?… Nation, we are at war, the poor have declared war against the Ultra Rich! the liberal hippie bear-loving welfare queens have declared war on Real Americans!!! As you know, welfare queens are crying again that they need “moar money”. Listen buddy I gave you a dollar! That should be enough for you! Now the welfare queens are blaming us, Real Americans, of the economic troubles… not so fast! It was them to got the excessive mortgages, it was the poor who got those fancy credit cards with low high interest rates, it was the “undesirables” who wanted to own property… why? So they could destroy the economy and blame it on us!! The shame! You see, poor people are not good with money, and when they fail financially is easy to blame it on the Ultra Rich Real Americans. How dare them to say it is our fault!! Real Americans know how to make money, so learn how to make money or get a job!! You see America, our conservative capitalist ideology is at risk!! We are crying for new American Heroes to rescue us! Now, if you will 'scuse me, I just found a new way to make money!! Cripple Fight Club!! I will make a fortune!! joo harass Real Americans Jim Cramer traumatized The Real States of America. March 11, 2009 - Nation, we have some scary news. For days some joo has been harassing a Real American Hero, Jim Cramer. But luckily his pal Joe Scarborough, was able to rescue him… shame on you John Steward some dirty joo!! Why must you continue your bullying? But don’t worry Nation, Jim Cramer will fight against the joo and lose win! ---- Breaking News Archive